As Thin As A Needle

The tension in my house is bad. My dad won't talk to me and neither will my sister. My mom is the only one that can look me in the eyes anymore. I mean, there's no question why there's tension. Looks like the past is just gonna haunt me forever 'til I die. It's gonna be a long life...

My dad's convinced I'm going to destroy my family and all the "peace" with it. He's quitting worship because he can't stand playing with his "fake, lukewarm Christian of a son". He can't even be in the same room with me for more than about 10 minutes, then he wanders off into his studio. This Christmas service at church is going to be brutal to play at with him.

I don't see myself lasting past January in this house before I get kicked out. Yeah, it's THAT bad. I'm actually fearful for the first time in my life to be in this house. Fearful that if I say one wrong thing I'll be thrown out on my ass. So, to help, I do my chores to the best then go to my room for the rest of the day. Honestly, I've never been that type of kid. I would go up to my room to hang out there with different intentions. Like, to play guitar, sing, or get inspired to write lyrics. But now I just try to stay away from everyone. Out of sight, out of mind.

I'm basically a mute now. Except with my mom. Other than that, I'm mute. No voice. No sound. Nothing. Just a ghost in the house. My sister won't give me the time of day. I'm actually okay with that. Except she can be the most annoying person and I can't say a thing. It might give my dad an excuse to give me the boot. That's probably not true, but that's how I think.

I don't want to feel what I'm feeling right now. It's most likely the worst thing I could be feeling. I feel... that she's the only thing I have. I take a look around me and I realize that the one thing I have always relied on to be my steady beam is crumbling beneath me. That beam being my family. I gotta be praying about this...